


Scanty & Kneesocks with Alastor

by Nitrobot



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, Gen, What the fuck to tag this with
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:20:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22138468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nitrobot/pseuds/Nitrobot
Summary: If Corset isn't the real father of the demon sisters, then just who the Hell is? Stocking asks that, and more, as Garterbelt gives the Anarchy sisters a lesson on just how different Hell is from the Heaven they know (and Panty is Panty. Nuff said).The sisters, meanwhile, return home after the latest demon genocide to seek out their father and beg him to let them stay this time. Little do they know that he's preoccupied with something, and someone, far more important to him than his wayward daughters.
Relationships: referenced Alastor/Charlie Magne
Comments: 7
Kudos: 49





	1. What the fuck?

**Author's Note:**

> Hazbin Hotel is just the demon version of Panty & Stocking; there, I said it. Why are you booing me, I'm right.

As Stocking savored the last bite of her Black Forest cake, licking the last of the cream from her spoon, she realised that she hadn’t been quite this relaxed since before she’d been kicked out of Heaven. She wasn’t on guard for some ghost-related bullshit to suddenly strike, or for Garterbelt to start screaming his head off at her for not cleaning the kitchen properly. Even Chuck was unnaturally calm, snoring away at the side of the sofa after just one failed attempt at trying to snatch her dessert. 

It had been this way for the last few days- peaceful, serene, suspiciously so. Anyone else, like Panty, might have just accepted it and been grateful for it (and then used it as an excuse to fuck anything with a dick within a 10 mile radius). But Stocking was the older sister, so by default she was smarter. 

Well, a fucking rock was smarter than Panty at her least horny, but still.

“It’s quiet. Too quiet…” Stocking almost thought that finally admitting it out loud would suddenly interrupt the reverie with something exciting. But all she heard in response was the toilet flushing down the hall, and the thud of her sister’s heels. 

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that.” Panty yawned as she barged into the living room, slumping down on the sofa next to Stocking as if she couldn’t deal with the sheer weight of her (usually) semen-bloated body on her legs for any longer. “The guy I picked up from the mall last night ended up having a microdick. I think he landed in one of the bushes outside when I kicked him out.” She stretched her arms with her feet slung over the armrest, trying to take as much room away from Stocking as possible as she smirked to herself. “Heh, and that’s the only bush he’ll be gettin’ anywhere near. Hi-five me, Chuck!” She put up her hand and Chuck came slamming into it with his whole body, only for Panty to sling him out the door like he was a whistling baseball. Stocking just sighed as she sipped her tea, wondering why she bothered saying anything to begin with.

“For once, I’m not referring to you being a recreational cum dumpster, Panty,” she said. “Speaking of, I thought you were fucking Briefs now.”

It took a moment for Panty to figure out why her screwing one guy should have excluded her from screwing others. When it eventually clicked, she just scoffed. “Well, yeah, but the guy’s only got so much stamina. I think he’s still passed out from Valentine’s Day.”

Stocking paused mid-sip. “It’s April.”

“Exactly!” Panty laughed to herself, like even her lungs could orgasm if she tried hard enough. 

“I only hope your gift to him wasn’t one of your rancid STDs. Anyway-”

“FUCK YOU, SLUT, YOU THINK I DON’T GET TESTED?!”

“What I was talking about,” Stocking went on, having long since learned to ignore her sister’s outbursts, “was the fact that we haven’t had any ghost problems lately. Not to mention any sight of those annoying-ass demon sisters.” And, by extension, their father and mayor of Daten City (seriously, the mayor? A literal demon? What the fuck? Politicians weren’t usually _that_ evil, were th-? well, actually, they were. Well, voters weren’t really _that_ stupid- well, actually, that was also true. Fucking Earth. If it wasn't for the bakeries, she'd have used both her Stripes for seppuku by now).

Panty stopped gritting her teeth like she was trying to tear a guy’s cock off, and immediately sank back into the sofa with her head tilted back towards the ceiling. “Huh. Yeah, you’re right. That’s weird. They don’t know where we live, right?”

“God, I hope not,” Stocking muttered as she set down her teacup. “This place feels enough like a fucking insane asylum as it is.”

“Yo, Garterbelt,” Panty called out to the priest as he entered and threw Chuck off of his robes mid-chew, “you seen any red-skinned grade-A cunts recently?”

“Only cunts I seen about are the same ones I always see,” he huffed.

“Who?” Panty asked cluelessly (that is to say, like she always did).

“YOU TWO HOES, OF COURSE!” he exploded. “WHO THE HELL ELSE WOULD I MEAN?!”

Panty stuck her tongue out at him. “How ‘bout you bite my thick juicy ass, ya’ geriatric joykill.” 

“Panty, your ass is a six out of ten at best,” Stocking corrected, turning to face their caretaker so she wouldn’t need to be distracted by her sister’s tantrum. “Don’t _you_ think it’s weird how quiet it’s been lately, Garter?”

“Everything on this Goddamn planet is weird to me,” he answered, strategically blocking the TV just when Panty stopped cursing long enough to find the remote. “But you got a point, Stocking. For once. I don’t know why ghosts ain’t showin’ up recently, but I can guess why the demon hoes ain’t been around. Those bitches probably went running back home to cry to their parents, assuming they didn’t get dragged back for doing almost as bad a job as you two up here.”

Panty almost shoved Stocking right out of her seat, as she leaned across to confront Garter without having to get off the sofa for it. “What, you mean they can just go back to Hell whenever they want? What the fuck!”

“Hell ain’t exactly an exclusive place like Heaven, dumbass,” Garter told her. “Hence why you two were the only angels stupid enough to go and get kicked out of it!”

“Well, hey, Garterbelt, you’re doin’ an awful lot of bitching for someone who’s mouth should be fitted squarely on my buttcheek already- chop chop!” Panty turned around and slapped her butt for emphasis, but really all she emphasized was how small it was. Jeesh, this was the girl who slept with a thousand men? Stocking would never understand how desperate humans could really be. But that wasn’t what she was interested in. 

“If they can just go back when they feel like it,” she asked Garterbelt, “why d’they even bother coming up here in the first place?”

Garterbelt made a sound, like he was considering whether or not it was worth answering her, and then the room went dark.

“Yo, what the fuck?” Panty cried out. “Garter, did you forget to pay the power bill or some shit?!”

“Shut yo’ ass up and listen.” A projector came on (since when the fuck did they have one of those?), and Garterbelt had a whole lecture set up for his captive audience of two (three, if you counted Chuck trying to nibble at the bottom of the screen). 

“Demons come up here now and again cause Hell is brimming with the worst of the worst scumbags to have ever existed in this universe." He pointed to a slideshow of pictures that showed all sorts of demonic and unholy scenes; brimstone over pools of lava, disfigured abominations cluttering the molten landscape and tearing each other apart with huge grins, wings and horns and claws and scales and fur, pineapple on pizza…

“The place gets so full of these demons,” he went on while Panty tried to look away from the horror, “that every year a few thousand of them get killed off by Exterminator angels just to make room for more.” Now the projector showed ‘angels’ like none Stocking had ever seen before- at least, not during her time spent at home- more like battered mechanical shells than anything familiar to her, their halos rimmed with spikes and faces covered with masks.

“I’d guess," Garter continued without pause, “that the sisters don’t wanna take their chances with the purge, so they get outta dodge before it happens. Also, Hell is just really, really shitty. Ain’t no-one gonna spent more time down there than they need to.” He finally ended his cute little lesson as he snapped the projector screen back into the ceiling (with Chuck flying up after it) and allowed the lights to come back on. Panty was temporarily blinded by the sudden shift cause she was looking right at the ceiling, and she rubbed at her eyes as she shook her head.

“Wait, wait, wait,” she said, eventually blinking back into full vision, “there’s angels that get to go all Demoncaust on those shitbags? Every year? What the fuck?! _I_ wanna be part of a demon genocide! Think of how easy they’d be to lay when they think they might die in a few hours!”

And here Stocking almost thought that her sister had noble reasons for something, for once in her life. Ah, well. It was a nice second of wistful, impossible hope for her. Though, she was just as surprised as Panty at the news. Surely someone in Heaven would have mentioned these ‘Exterminators’ at least once before...

“You ain’t ever heard about it cause that ain’t in your job description!” Garterbelt informed the both of them. “Only the best of the best ever get selected by Judgement for that job, so you can kiss that dream of yours goodbye before you even get to first base with it.”

“You’d fuck a demon, Panty?” Stocking asked, needing a distraction as she processed all this new information about Hell she’d never even thought existed- let alone thought that Garterbelt would know all about.

“Don’t act like you’re shocked,” Panty scoffed.

“I’m not. Not in the slightest.” Stocking gulped her tea before it got too cold for her, with an extra handful of sugar dumped in for good measure. “So if that’s how Hell operates,” she said while Garter was still around to bug with questions, “Corset brought his family out before they could get killed off and that’s the whole reason they’re riding our asses every other day?”

Garterbelt blinked, looking down at Stocking like she’d just ripped out a fart in front of him. “Family? The Hell you talkin’ about?”

“Y’know… the sisters and their dad.” She spoke slow, as if Garter had suddenly dropped 50 IQ points. “That’s why they’re working for Corset, right? Cause if family ain’t for free labor, then what is it good for?”

It took a moment for Garter’s last remaining brain cells to eventually kick in, and they did so with a jolt of his head. ”Corset ain’t their dad.”

“In the screaming words of me every other night,” Panty said, somehow bored enough to actually be listening in, “come again?”

“You really bought into that shit?" Garter asked, somehow still able to be amazed at the sheer incomperable ignorance of the Anarchy sisters. "That’s just a cover so they can hide in plain sight around Daten City. This ain’t the first time Corset has tried pulling some organic-free-range-Hades-sourced-bullshit around here with whatever rejects from Hell he can get his claws on. And I’ve been the one who’s had to stop him most of those times.”

“Huh? You never mentioned you knew Corset that well,” Stocking accused.

“I BEEN TELLIN’ YOU BITCHES EVERY DAY NOW THAT I KNOW THAT BASTARD, YOU JUST NEVER FUCKIN’ LISTEN!”

“Whateveeeeer,” Panty droned, “don’t have a fucking coronary over it, old man.”

“Well, if Corset isn’t their dad,” Stocking tried, her curiosity still gnawing at her like a sugar craving, “then who the literal Hell is?”

“How the fuck should I know?!” Garterbelt roared. “I ain’t here to give Bible lessons, I’m here cause you bitches wouldn’t last a Goddamn day down here without me telling you to go get some fuckin’ heaven coins! Maybe you’d find some ghosts if you didn’t spend all day on your fat asses asking me dumbass questions! Fuck all y’all! I’m gettin’ food and goin’ to bed!” He took a detour into the kitchen, likely the whole reason he’d come down to bitchy angel territory in the first place, and let out another wail when he saw the state it was in. 

“Well, I’m bored,” Panty announced, lazily rolling onto her feet and graciously relinquishing the rest of the sofa to Stocking. “I’m gonna go find Briefers and make a man out of him again. Don’t give yourself diabetes while I’m gone, slut.”

“Only if you don’t give yourself syphilis, whore,” Stocking hollered after her, kicking Chuck aside when he tried scrambling onto the table to get at her empty plate. “Hey, Garter,” she shouted over Panty slamming the door behind her, “before you fuck off, do _we_ have a dad?”

“Fuck no,” he called back through the kitchen, “you got enough daddy issues without one!”


	2. Where the fuck?

“Kneesocks, dear, are you sure it’s safe to be here?” Scanty could hardly bring herself to step out of G-String, the faithful limousine that had brought them both all the way back to Hell- what if she stepped in some purged demon remains, or worse?! She had no idea how her sister could just walk out into the stench of brimstone and sin that permeated their home without any protection, not even a filtration mask or goggles!

But that was just how Kneesocks was. She did what was necessary, regardless of whether or not it suited her. That was why she was Father’s favorite, she was sure.

“Trust me, sister,” she insisted, fixing her glasses further up the bridge of her nose as she scrunched it in distaste, “I’ve kept meticulous track of the demon genocides ever since we first left. There’s been two since then, and we’ll arrive with plenty of time before the next.” She looked up at the Genocide Counter that made up the centerpiece of Pentagram City, watching it tick over to show fifty more days before the next cleansing. 

“Oh, if you say so…” Scanty finally, if reluctantly, left the safety of G-String with Fastener still in the driver's seat. He would stop any undesirables coming near the limo; at least, he would if he liked having his head still attached to his body.

“Ugh, two whole purges and the place hasn’t changed a bit…” Scanty joined her sister in appraising the vile collection of diseased alleyways and drug-soaked streets that contained the worst of hell away from the worst of what lurked above. “However will we find Father in this wasteland of debauchery?” They’d been expecting him to greet them both as soon as they arrived, with a feast and a party and his favorite music streaming through his speakers in delight at the sight of them. 

But he didn’t seem to have noticed their return… not at all. They couldn’t reach him with Hellphones, not when he spat at the very mention of such devices, so they’d sent a telegram well in advance of their planned homecoming. Perhaps he was otherwise occupied… or enacting a test on his daughters, expecting them to be able to navigate their home and track him down themselves.

Yes, yes! That was it! Genius Father, always knowing what was best for them both, ever since he so generously took them in. But that still left the problem of knowing _how_ to find him...

Kneesocks hummed to herself and tapped her chin. “Well, he doesn’t usually make himself inconspicuous. I’m sure if we just ask around, we’ll find someone who’s seen him.” She scanned the (mostly) empty street for anyone who didn’t look too infectious or high off huffing gasoline. Then she spotted a figure who at least looked conscious enough to work his four arms, if not at all respectable since he was using those arms to sprinkle powder over his eyeballs. 

“You there!” Kneesocks called. “Yes, you, the degenerate junkie on the corner!”

The demon blinked, and swore as his drugs tipped out under his eyelid and streamed down his fuzzy cheeks. He recovered by the time Kneesocks and Scanty summoned the will to approach him, dusting off two of his hands while the other two sat on his hips.

“Ah, shit, I knew word’d get out eventually,” he muttered as he cleared his throat and smoothed out the fringe of fur flopping over his face. “I should warn you girls, I charge double for two people at once. And even more if you wanna keep up the dirty talk like that. But from the looks of that sweet ride you got, I bet you can afford it.” He pointed behind them to G-String with one hand while the other three were spread open awaiting payment. Kneesocks resisted the urge to slap them away from them both.

“Don’t insult us with your tawdry trade, you imbecile,” Scanty scoffed. “We are looking for Alastor.”

The demon’s face fell to one side, the eyebrow on the other side tilting everything else upwards. “Alastor, huh…?”

“Yes, also known as the ‘Radio Demon’?” Kneesocks clarified.

“Is he, now…?”

“This high,” Scanty extended her hand as far above her as she could reach, “red hair, mouth full of lovely teeth and a voice like an analog nightmare?”

The demon nodded along as he balanced his chin on all of his hands. “Uh huh, uh huh…”

“Surely even a common streetwalker like yourself can stop imbibing body fluids for long enough to listen to a radio,” Kneesocks implored, “or even afford one. You must have at least _heard_ of him?” Alastor was only one of the most established and highly regarded overlords in all of Hell, second only to Lucifer himself. Anyone who hadn’t heard of him must have been suffering from something truly pitiable, even more so than this thing’s deplorable fashion sense.

The useless prostitute before them scratched the crown of his hair with one hand, using the other to rub his chin. “Hm, yeah…” Then he shrugged. “Sorry, doesn’t ring a bell.”

“Ugh. Just as expected.” Kneesocks should have known better than to hope for much from someone who didn’t even have a cardboard box to retreat to and administer his drugs in peace. 

“What a waste of our valuable time.” Scanty sighed alongside her sister, preparing to flick her hair out as they turned to leave.

“ _Eh-eh-eh_ xcuse me?” The horrendous demon whore popped up in front of them like some kind of venereal jack-in-the-box. “I think you’ll find _I’m_ the one whose time is valuable here, toots- Hell, I’d have earned five hundred bucks by now with someone else just for the act of bending over.”

Scanty almost stumbled backwards in her hurry to get away from the creature before it touched her, practically hiding behind Kneesocks as her sister scoffed, “I thought the purges were supposed to get rid of reprobates like you.”

“Hm, they should,” the demon admitted, “but what can I say? I have friends in high places who like to put their friends in my special places.”

“Disgusting,” Scanty declared.

“Abhorrent,” Kneesocks concurred.

“Good day, sir.” The demon sisters locked arms as they made to march away and find more honorable company-

“Wait, wait, wait, not so fast, Bitches of the Corn...” The demon kept slinking after them like a slutty pink ferret, cutting off their escape. “You really wanna find Alastor? Alright. Make it worth my while and I’ll take you right to him.”

The sisters looked at him, then at each other, neither of them able to decide if he was making a serious offer.

“Excuse us for one moment,” Scanty requested, turning her back on him and pulling Kneesocks into a close huddle.

“Sister, what do we have that this licentious creature would be interested in?” she whispered in a hiss.

“Never mind that, Scanty,” Kneesocks hissed back, “why on Earth would we even trust him to take us to Father?”

“Well… we’re not on Earth. Not anymore.”

“True…” Kneesocks chewed her lip, then felt her face start to burn as she had an idea. “But we do have something _from_ Earth that could swindle this profligate into doing all the hard work for us.”

“We do?”

“Indeed, dear sister. Remember that lovely white power we would use to flavor our afternoon darjeeling?”

“Oh, how could I possibly forget it?” Scanty contained a squeal of delight. “Smooth and sweet, like it was made from freshly ground angel wings…”

“Precisely. Just watch.” Kneesocks bared her fangs in a grin, before composing herself to face the other demon still waiting behind them. “Alright, er… what was your name?”

“Angel Dust, sweetie,” he purred, dragging a hand down the front of his chest. “The one and only. The fact I even gotta tell you that tells me you’re new ‘round here.”

‘Angel’...? Well, that explained why he had such a resemblance to those cantankerous trollops Panty and Stocking.

“I don’t know where the fuck you came from,” he went on, “and I don’t care. Just gimme somethin’ good and we’ll get along just fine, capiche?” He rubbed his fingers together, and a golden tooth glinted in his grin.

“Alright, _Angel Dust_.” Kneesocks scowled as the name soured her tongue and as she reached into a pocket. “If this is how you insist on carrying out business, we will comply. Behold!” She unveiled the packet of sugar- her one souvenir from Earth worth keeping- and held it up between her fingers. Even the most wretched lowlifes would desire such a rare and sweet treat, at least enough so to offer such a minor favor in return. 

Angel Dust’s eyes swelled as his mouth dropped, and Kneesocks knew she’d thought right.

“Is that…” he could barely speak as he started drooling while eyeing the packet, “i-is that, issat the good stuff? Is it coke? Looks like it, kinda smells like it, is it cocaine? Tell me it is, _ohhh_ baby, tell me that’s what it looks like!”

Kneesocks temporarily lost the control she’d just gained, wondering what the Hell he was talking about, before Scanty nudged her side and snapped her out of it.

“It’s, er… yes,” she lied while Angel Dust worked himself into a hysteria. “Pure cocaine, just as you say. And it’ll be all yours,” she snapped her hand closed just as Angel tried to snatch for it, “as soon as we see Alastor.”

“Sure, sure, sure,” Angel Dust babbled wildly, “just follow me, come on, hurry up, over here, let’s go, whaddaya waitin’ for, hurry the fuck up already!!” He was already running, expecting the sisters to keep up as he escorted them through Pentagram City’s winding, eternally decaying sprawl. Both sisters gave chase, wondering after a few minutes if they’d have been better off chasing after him in G-String, but by then he’d stopped in front of a massive building dumped in the middle of nowhere. He was doubled over and panting as the sisters strode up to him, but his exhaustion evaporated as soon as Kneesocks was in proximity. 

“Here ya go, here he is, right inside, on ya go, now gimme gimme gimme!” He came dangerously close to making contact with Kneesocks as he pestered her; only her instincts of recoil stopped her from being soiled by his touch.

“Sir, you’re making a scene of us,” she scolded, tossing the sugar packet so he would need to dive away for it. "Take your payment and begone back to wherever your kind dwells.”

Angel Dust started cackling like an escaped mental patient as he scurried off to somewhere hopefully far, far away. Scanty watched him disappear, for good this time, as Kneesocks took a moment to appraise where exactly they’d been taken to.

“My, my... what a quaint little establishment.” She re-adjusted her glasses, but the place still looked like a towering dump to her. The door alone looked like it would buckle out of its frame if she dare try to push it in.

“Good grief, sister,” Scanty muttered, “do you think Father might be here _willingly_?”

“Of course not, Scanty,” Kneesocks scoffed. “He wouldn’t be caught reincarnated in such a run-down hovel.”

“I think that sign says ‘Hotel’, actually.”

“Whatever. He’s likely in the middle of performing a contract for whoever’s desperate enough to stay here. Assuming that Angel Dust character hasn’t scammed us, all we need to do is find the front desk and-” As Kneesocks approached that decrepit front door cautiously, she heard voices from behind it. No… one voice. One unmistakable voice covered in a vacuum echo.

“Trust me, Charlie, the new decor will work wonders! Especially the mounted dog heads, they really tie the place together!”

“Father!” Scanty practically leapt onto her sister’s shoulders as she pressed against the door. “It’s him, it’s really him!”

“Stay calm, sister, compose yourself!” Kneesocks ordered, even though she was struggling to stop her face from burning like a lightbulb. “He’ll want us at our best when we surprise him, so-”

Her plan was squashed before she even got it out as the door opened and smacked right into her and Scanty, throwing them back so that they fell flat on their asses. Kneesock’s horn had pierced a hole through the door, and through that hole they could see their Father peering out.

“Hm,” Alastor hummed, looking left and right as the red tufts above his head twitched. “Thought I heard something out here. You playing tricks on my ears again, Mike?”

“I didn’t do a thing, Boss!” his microphone said.

“Hmmm.” Alastor squinted skeptically, almost popping his monocle off, before turning to duck back inside with a clop of his shoes-

“Father, wait!” Scanty called out behind the door before he could disappear, scrambling to her feet and resisting the urge to rub at her aching tail. “It’s us! Your darling daughters!”

Alastor craned his head over at them as they came running up to him, his grin as wide and bright as it always was. Hell could freeze over entirely, and their father would still surely have something to smile about. That grin was a comforting constant, the one thing they’d been missing the most ever since they had to leave him.

“Ah… Scanty. Kneesocks,” he greeted, adjusting his monocle just as the younger sister did to her glasses. “I wasn’t expecting to see you two back so soon. Or at all, really.” He took one large step out of the door frame so that he stood on the hotel porch with them, letting the holed door rattle shut behind him.

“Didn’t you get our telegram announcing our grand return?” Kneesocks asked, wondering for a moment if Scanty had just forgotten entirely to even send it.

“Er… no,” Alastor admitted, glancing aside for a moment like a fly had caught his attention ever so briefly. “Must be cause I changed my address. And yet you found me anyway! How… resourceful of you both.”

“Aren’t you just thrilled to see us, Father?” Scanty squealed, clasping her hands together as she shook from the joy of being near him. “We’ve missed you so!”

“Yes, yes, as you always do,” Alastor idly brushed off his suit as he regarded them. "But, why are you two here?”

The sisters froze, and could barely bring themselves to look at him now. Kneesocks felt her face catch fire as Scanty’s crooked tail writhed and recoiled around her.

“Because…” Scanty’s lip trembled above her protruding fang. “Oh, Father, it shames us to even admit our weakness, but Earth has defeated us! It’s beyond salvation, or even damnation, worse than even the gutters of Imp City! We must stay home to recover from our trauma!” She fell to her knees in a mortified prayer, unable to take the weight of her shame, and her sister followed suit.

“Father, please,” Kneesocks implored, “we’re _begging,_ we’re PLEADING, we cannot take another day spent on that abysmal lump of dirt and carbon with those pugnacious, disgusting fallen angels inhabiting it!” She could only bear to look up at Alastor over the very rim of her glasses. He stood over them rubbing at his chin, while amused static played out from his jagged mouth. 

“Fallen angels, you say…?” His grin spread wider than ever, crowding out the rest of his face.

“And that awful mayor,” Scanty went on, “he tried to take your place! He sought to have me masquerade as his daughter so he could marry me off to a _human_! Can you even think of a greater dishonor for one of our noble kind?! I still have nightmares of being forced into that tacky bargain basement wedding dress…” She burst into humiliated sobs as she tried to hide her face in her hands. 

“Now, now, Scanty,” Kneesocks patted her sister’s shoulder, “you looked lovely-”

“Like here I did!” Scanty shrieked. ”It didn’t even have a petticoat!”

“Now, now,” Alastor tutted, “enough of that. Stand up and put on a smile, both of you!”

They instantly obeyed, leaping to their feet as Scanty’s tears evaporated into wisps of smoke, facing their father with as much dignity as they had left to spare.

“Now then,” Alastor purred as he leaned down towards them, “my darlings, my sweet little flames who came all this way just to see me…”

The demon sisters leaned in closer, awaiting comfort and reassurance that only he could provide. But just when they were expecting to feel his warm grasp on their shoulders, his microphone popped up and blocked him from view.

“Daddy’s busy,” it said, “so buzz off.”

The sisters blinked, momentarily lost, before each letting out a sly chuckle.

“Oh, Father, your wit is still as sharp as ever!” Scanty praised, holding her chest as she laughed.

“But seriously,” Kneesocks asserted, “we require sanctuary at once.”

Alastor wiggled his eyebrows as he twirled his microphone in one hand. “Hm, well I’m afraid this business charges per night for that costly luxury,” he informed them. “And we only take cash up front. None of those hell coins you find up on Earth.”

“W-what?” Scanty shook her head in complete bafflement, her hair flying out around her horns. “What are you saying, Father?” Scanty was usually the one most easily confused of the two, but even Kneesocks couldn’t understand what Alastor was trying to tell them. Was he _working_ at this hotel? Worst… was he expecting them to PAY for staying?!

“Everything alright out here, Alastor?” an unfamiliar woman’s voice asked. “Hey, and what happened to my front door?!”

“I’ll get that fixed in just a jiffy, my dear!” Alastor turned around to address the newcomer, completely forgetting his daughters in favor of her. The front door was propped open by a female demon- the same height as the sisters, but that was where the similarities ended. 

“And just who are _you_ supposed to be?” Kneesocks asked, peering around Alastor with Scanty to appraise her. The hair color was like Panty’s, but the makeup was all Stocking… it took the sisters' combined self control to not shudder at the sight of her.

Alastor noticed the two glaring behind him, and sighed as he took a wide step away from them so they couldn’t use his legs as a shield. “I suppose I should introduce you all,” he decided. “Scanty, Kneesocks, my little disappointments, this lovely lady before you is Charlotte, Princess of Hell-”

“Er, just Charlie, thanks,” she corrected, shaking hands with each sister before they could recoil away from her. “You’re… Alastor’s daughters?” She said the word like she wasn’t quite sure what it was supposed to mean in this context.

“Adopted!” Alastor informed her with a hand lightly pressed on her shoulder. “I took them in, oh… about fifty years ago. They like to show up now and again when they don’t have anywhere else to go.”

Kneesocks and Scanty opened their mouths, but something in Alastor’s gaze as it landed on them stopped them from speaking, or moving. Or doing anything at all, other than quietly whimper.

”You never mentioned you had a family before.” Charlie said it like it was an accusation, and Alastor let out a rich chuckle. 

“Well, a man has to have _some_ secrets to nourish himself with, darling. And it’s no fun just telling them all to everyone you see! They’re like white noise suspended between stations; you have to stumble across them yourself, in that blind and hopeful search for something new in your life.”

Charlie blinked as she looked to the sisters- still frozen solid- and then back to their father. “Riiiight… well, I better head back inside. It was nice to meet you two! And welcome to the Happy Hotel!” She gave them a grin that was so unlike Alastor’s it was jarring, enough so to break the sisters from their trance, as she slid through the door and retreated inside the hotel.

“ _Princess_?” Scanty snorted as she shook her head. “Looks more like a clown to me.”

“I didn’t realise this hotel was actually a circus,” Kneesocks added, joining her sister in giggling at their wit. A third laugh joined in shortly after, as a great weight suddenly fell on them.

“Ah _ahaha,_ oh, you girls,” Alastor leaned down as he gripped their opposite shoulders, so that his head hovered in the space between theirs. ”Always ready with an insult. But let me assure you, if all goes to plan here for Daddy, there’s only one name you’ll be calling her…” His voice started to vibrate through their skulls, lingering there even after he stood up and walked past them, now facing them from the door left slightly ajar.

“And that name,” he hissed through his clenched grin, as his body was slowly consumed with static that only allowed his glowing red glare to penetrate. “...is Mother.” 

That one word echoed out from the pit of his corrupted voice, and continued to do so long after his face returned to normal. “Now do try and make yourselves scarce. You know I don’t like being distracted when I’m working. And _smile,_ for Lucifer’s sake!” He left them with their fallen jaws on the porch when he closed the door on them.

“M...M-M... _Mother?!”_ Kneesocks repeated in a horrified whisper.

“Sister, I’m hyperventilating, sister!” That was all Scanty could say as she was engulfed with gasps of panic. 

“Calm down, Scanty, he… h-he can’t be serious, surely!” Kneesocks insisted, smacking on her sister’s back to snap her out of it. “This is all just a ruse! A practical joke, as punishment for our failure on Earth!”

  
“Oh Charlie, sweetheart,” their father’s voice filtered through the horn-sized hole in the door, “what’s say we try out this new-fangled jukebox, hm? I’ve got a brand new dance to show you!”

And with that, Kneesocks knew they were truly doomed. 

“He’s… DANCING WITH HER?! Oh, merciful Lucifer, it’s all over…” She sank to her knees in a trembling state. He never danced with anyone, not even them, not for years and years… they were gone for just a few months, and in that time this so-called Princess waltzed right into his heart! There had barely been enough room in their for both of them, and now _she_ came along to kick them out! It was insulting, abominable to even think that they’d been replaced so easily-!

“Kneesocks, dear, wait…” Scanty took hold of her sister’s shoulders as she crouched down next to her hunched-over form. “If that tasteless tart seducing our father in there truly _is_ the Princess of Hell, then _her_ father would be…”

Kneesock’s eyes flew open with grateful realisation. “Which would make _him_ our grandfather…” 

“And any member of Hell’s royal family is immune to the purges…”

The two sisters arrived at the same conclusion within seconds of each other, and in those seconds everything finally made sense.

“Oh... oh, _yes_ …” Kneesocks felt herself glowing with a blush. “I think this could work out very, very well for both of us, sister. Just think, with the likes of Lucifer himself in our circle, those awful angels will soon be nothing but ash ground to dust under our heels!”

“Assuming that Father doesn’t disown us like he’s always been threatening to do!” Scanty added with a hopeful shrill.

“Please, Scanty, that’s just his way of saying he loves us. But what a genius idea of his! Think of how much more powerful he would be with marriage ties to King Lucifer!”

“My word, this will be even better than when he caused the Chernobyl incident!” Scanty clapped her hands together as she shivered with excitement. 

“Ah, wasn’t that our last family outing together?” Kneesocks asked wistfully. “My, Earth was so much more interesting when he was with us…”

“YOU TWO!” A familiar yell rudely interrupted their reverie as Angel Dust reappeared behind them, his nose smeared with white. ”THAT WASN’T COCAINE!”

The sisters exchanged a glance before they both rolled their eyes. “Well, _duh_ ,” Kneesocks droned.

“We knew you were stupid,” Scanty scoffed, “but we didn’t think mental retardation even existed down here.”

“YOU FUCKIN’…!” Angel Dust physically held himself back from throttling them with two arms wrapped around his body. “You know who you’re dealin’ with, bitches?! I got friends in Imp City and I can make them owe me some big fuckin’ favors!”

“By doing what, cleaning their toilets?”

“Oh, but Kneesocks, there’s so many streets in Imp City! How would he possibly get around all of them?” The sisters guffawed in each others arms, even more so knowing that Angel Dust surely couldn't have enough brain cells to understand what was so funny. But their amusement came to an end when a wide shadow fell across them, and they turned around to see some sort of... cat beast standing over them. His wings blocked off their exits as he crossed his arms over his chest, and one huge red eyebrow weighed the other down as he glared. 

“Either of you ladies got a reservation here?” he growled.

“Um…” Kneesocks stuttered, “n-no, we do not-”

“Then GET YOUR FREELOADIN’ ASSES THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!” The beast grabbed them by their collars and, before they could spit in his face for daring to touch them, threw them far so that they landed face-first onto the street outside the hotel.

“Jeesh,” Angel Dust sighed. “This is why I only bother with chicks when there’s a camera rollin’. Thanks for the bailout, Musky Husky.”

“Don’t mention it. Seriously, don’t talk to me. Ever.”

Scanty was the first to recover from the shock of being assaulted, picking herself up on shaking hands as her hair fell all around her in a flaming curtain. “I can’t believe… _ugh_! How could Father let such uncivilised fools treat us like this?! As soon as we find him, again we’ll-!” 

“Excuse me,” a tiny voice peeped up from beside her, “but you’re getting dust all over the path. And all over yourselves. Lemme just-” Before Scanty could turn and see what it was, she felt something latch onto her arm.

“Eep!” She looked down at the one-eyed creature sweeping a brush up and down her elbow, and before she could flick her off she suddenly teleported to Scanty’s shoulder. “Don’t touch me, you little welp! I’ll have your innards strewn on this path if you don’t cease and desist-!” The little maid kept popping up and down all over her body, deftly avoiding all attempts to squash her.

“Get out your thongs, sister!” Kneesocks cried. “The only language these cretins understand is senseless sexualised violence!”

“Christ, you two are filthy!” the cleaner scolded from near Kneesock’s ear, now zipping all over her. “When was the last time you went to a dry cleaners?” A mist suddenly came down over Kneesock’s eyes as the thing spritzed something at them. 

“ _Aggghh!_ It’s in my eyes! Get it off me, sister! Get it off, get it off!”

“Oh God, I think it’s contagious!” Scanty shrieked. “I can’t see either! Retreat, Kneesocks! To the limousine!” 

They pelted in the only direction they could remember, desperate to just get as far away from the shambling hotel as they could. The blindness subsided as they ran, and they seemed to have left the little cyclops monkey behind as they slowed to a defeated trudge along Pentagram City’s slightly less ghastly main streets.

“Ugh!” Kneesocks practically flinched from her own skin, knowing it was tainted with the touch of deviants. “How _dare_ those inferior Sinners lay their hands on our beautiful pureborn bodies!”

“Restrain yourself, sister,” Scanty advised, even though she also winced in desperate need of a shower, “your face is burning like a tomato!”

Kneesocks snarled as she bit her lip, but forced herself calm so that she didn’t look like a broken traffic light. “You’re right, Scanty… there’s no need to drag ourselves into pointless embroilments with such petty beings. We just need to bide our time, and thanks to Father we’ll soon we’ll be utterly untouchable.” She let herself grin, convincing herself that all was going according to plan. 

“Oh, I can’t possibly wait for such an exciting turn of events!” Scanty chirped. “If I had a heart, it would be bursting out betwixt my ribs as we speak! If I-!” She went silent as they came to where they’d parked G-String in the central plaza, and found it in a much worse state than they’d left it in.

“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE TIRES!?!”

“AND WHERE THE HELL IS FASTENER?!”

Kneesocks tore open the vandalised driver-side door (literally, the whole thing came off its hinges) to find the seats completely empty, and Scanty found no trace of the stolen tires anywhere. Even if they were desperate enough to return to Earth with such a defaced vehicle, they couldn’t get anywhere on bare wheel shafts. And they didn’t even have Hell currency to purchase a new set.

“Well, sister?” Scanty’s voice wobbled as she crawled out from under the limo. “Any bright ideas for how to get back upstairs?”

But Kneesocks had nothing. G-String had been their only option. If they didn’t think of something... they’d be stranded.

Stranded at home, broke and homeless and surrounded by wretched scum-

“Darlings!”

“FATHER!” The sisters whirled to face the radio-tuned voice that lilted from behind them. Alastor stood over them once more, leaning on his microphone as his eyes glittered as crimson as their skin. 

“A thought occurred to me as you were being ejected from the premises!” he said, peering eagerly at them. “If you’re really so eager to stay home… you could be just what I need for my newest venture.”

“R-really?” Kneesocks pleaded. “We can stay with you?”

“Of course, my sweet little embers!” he assured, draping his arms around them both and patting under Kneesock’s chin. “The newly furnished open-for-business Hazbin Hotel is just the place for you both! All you need to do in return is a little bit of hard work for me…”

“Anything for you, Father,” Scanty gushed, “anything at all!”

“We won’t let you down, whatever it may be!”

“Oh, I know you won’t!” he chuckled, straightening up and brushing their shoulders. “Because you know what will happen if you do! Now, pay close attention to this!” He snapped his fingers, and a long trail of paper rolled out from his hand to rest at the sisters’ feet.

Scanty picked up the end of it while Kneesocks held the other side, and each sister squinted as they read through it. Numbers, chores, times and dates... 

“Er… what is this, Father?” Scanty asked.

“A list of suites that need cleaning and room service!” Alastor replied, dropping the rest of the list for them to deal with. “Niffty can’t possibly do it all by herself, you know. Oh, I see you’ve met her already!”

“You’re supposed to check under the hood regularly, you know,” that meagre monkey voice piqued up again. The sisters snapped around and found the little cyclops rubbing a cloth around the limo’s engine. 

“GET YOUR WANDERING LITTLE CLAWS OFF OF G-STRING AT ONCE!” Kneesocks screamed, lunging forward to grab Niffty and missing her by just an inch as she zoomed aside.

“And just what did you do with our driver?!” Scanty demanded, fixing the tiny maid with a glare as she polished the side mirror.

“Oh, you mean that sweet cute adorable sexy little zipper guy?” Niffty blushed under her eyeball as she giggled into her hand. “ _Teeheeheehee-_ ”

Then Scanty realised that the boot of G-String was open, and an exhausted moan came out from it. 

“Faaaastener~...”

For the love of Lillith… first their father was being seduced, and now their zipper pet was the victim of a midget harlot. If Fastener hadn’t been so distracted, their vehicle wouldn’t have been ruined in the first place! And if the sisters were of a more cynical mind, they might have suspected that Alastor had orchestrated the entire incident just to make sure they had no choice but to help him... 

“Enough dilly dallying, girls!” The Radio Demon clapped his hands and heels together. “You’ve got work to do, so chop chop! I’ll meet you in the hotel lobby to give you your new uniforms!” 

Scanty and Kneesocks looked from the shell of their limo, to the lecherous maid pointlessly cleaning it, and then to their father just before he disappeared from the plaza in a haze of static. They hadn’t shaken his hand, but they still owed him a debt. They’d owed him ever since he decided to raise them, after all. And every time they thought they’d managed to pay it off, it only got deeper and deeper. If either of them had souls to give, he’d have sole ownership of them.

That wasn’t what bothered the sisters, though. What really made them anguish was seeing that they’d be expected to clean the hotel bathrooms.

“ _Ugh!”_ Kneesocks threw down the list under her heel, almost tearing at her hair. “Lucifer dammit, I just want to go home!”

“Sister,” Scanty gently corrected, “we _are_ home.”

“ _UUUUUGGGGHHH!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we go. I don't know if there'll be any more instalments of this nature since it was fun to write both of these shows, but I'll need to wait and see if inspiration strikes again (maybe once Hazbin becomes a proper series. Eh, we'll see).

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter will be the Hazbin portion of the fic, with the demon sisters arriving in Hell and wishing they were just about anywhere else.


End file.
